Reflective Essay by a Horticulturalist and Aspiring Plant Scientist.
I have a habit to confess. I’ve gotten in the habit of “running away” from home once a month this past year (2023) and spending the morning or afternoon, whichever is free, visiting different gardens, parks, or art galleries where I did my first degrees in Delaware. Normally, I go solo on these adventures because it is spontaneous, spare-of-the-moment, and I use the time to reflect and think about work and my studies, yes, but also life. It’s the saying working “on” something not just “at” it. Time passes too fast and it often is nice to pause and contemplate on where you’ve been and where you are headed.
This past December, I completed my second bachelor’s in horticulture. The path towards this degree was arguably one of the most adverse life circumstances I have encountered in my years around the sun. I started the degree in fall of 2019. I had some strange business situations to navigate that fall, but nothing prepared me for spring 2020. Faced with a global pandemic, family health issues, and an outdated business model, I transitioned a business in five (5) weeks to a new partnership. Ironically or perhaps coincidentally, I wrote the business plan that became the business I co-own while walking along the Brandywine River as a business graduate student… life is full circle like that.
2021 was marked by family health issues and several deaths. 2022 featured accelerated business growth we weren’t certain we could handle (some we honestly had to turn away due to lack of space), and then having the strange experience of being gaslighted by a colleague – twice. I went numb both times. The second time happened in October and I ran away… starting the trend of 2023… and told my troubles to the place I went. Strange how I was transitioning and pivoting even then…
2023 was marked by out-of-nowhere events, customer referrals, and learning that an immediate family member had a serious health condition in dramatic fashion via hospitalization. Somehow, I finished my degree. I also saw a few friendships that perhaps I had outgrown or we had become different people since first meeting come to a parting of ways.
By the time the last weekend of 2023 came around, I was ready to travel and “release” the past four years and get the inspiration to “level up” in the coming weeks, months, years, and decade.
BUT WHAT DOES LEVEL UP ACTUALLY MEAN?
There is a saying that when believe you deserve better than your present circumstances the universe opens up to you.
What do you want?
Define the goals and what you want the next level to look like clearly.
For me, greenhouse production is the the only life I’ve ever known. It’s my comfort zone. But, I want something that is based more on improving crops and people’s lives through plants and plant based products. Pursuing my M.S. and making connections with peers in plant pathology and plant research is a step out of my comfort zone and in the direction I want to go.
Often, you have to do business with who’s in the ballroom. But, you can change the room or the guest list based on certain criteria. For me, it’s about surrounding myself with people who inspire me to be the best version of myself, professionally and personally. Limiting contact or association with those who disrupt my inner peace.
Saying no to imposter syndrome. Too many times early in my career I was a bit of a quitter when things got tough or confusing. I didn’t want to do a science degree right out of high school because I thought I was not good enough. I am enough. I regretfully let too many people influence my career and life choices in the past. Too many chefs ruin the soup. My dreams are my dreams and I can achieve them.
Having the discipline to put in the work.
You cannot “level up” without actually doing the work.
Working on Sunday to prep for the week ahead. Or taking Sunday to work on the business and not just at it. Or taking Sunday to plan out my research. Setting the intention for the week ahead.
Keeping the big picture and goal in sight and also the little steps to get to it. No one likes to take required courses but getting them out of the way and doing well academically in them is a step towards to goal of getting a degree. I anticipate graduating in 2028. The time will pass anyway. Choosing to be focused on my goals and the steps to achieve them.
Going to therapy, if needed, for my mental health. Today’s business cycle is 24/7 regardless of industry. The demand to perform and deliver is high, and so is burnout. To be honest, I’ve also made poor decisions under pressure in the past due to fatigue or unhealed wounds. Admitting you need takes courage. It isn’t easy to talk about what you are feeling and why, but the end result of improved quality of life makes therapy worthwhile.
The saying is true: You have to go through to breakthrough.
From grower to plant pathologist…
Moving from an occupation that I am successful in but feel unfilled to one that I genuinely want and feel I will thrive in will take time, determination, and patience. Transition is uncomfortable. Moving to the next level will not be easy. If it were easy, everyone would do it. Embracing the journey. The challenges. The healing. The entire process. To be in the “level” that I want in this adventure called life.
Excited to begin the spring 2024 semester in a few days and look forward to sharing my research process and journey with all of you these next four (4) years.
-Joyce
